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The current period marks a ten-year milestone since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. At the time, the notion that someone could abruptly cease communication with a partner without a word seemed like the peak of rudeness. We were so innocent. In the decade since, navigating toward a partner has only become more perplexing – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity crisis, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial elders could ever envision. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most viral online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is presenting as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test loosely based on a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to seeking out someone who supports you proactively. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes pairs who opt out of parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing dialogue, honesty and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Behavioral traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. For instance calling their exes unstable, bad tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These actions confirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. For instance being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Gooners – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to see the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Random and often mundane dealbreakers that instantly kill any feelings of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an incredibly romantic act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal partner: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has existed for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {